Thursday, 17 December 2015

Ain't no butterflies. 25.



2016 is upon us.
counting down...
Im turning 25 next year.

this means what ever I am saying here,
it has everything & at the same time,
absolutely nothing to do with age.

its realisation.
maturity?
& yes, the one thing I dreaded the most.
growing the f up.

& whoever thought growing up meant being less fun 
they're wrong.

there is a way to grow up and still hold on to that fun inside.

we DONT stop enjoying,
but
we DO have bigger priorities.

we DIDN'T lose ourselves, 
we DO find much more potential and life than temporary happiness.

Its just so easy for us to hate where we are,
its not enough,
its this' fault.
thats' fault.
its nobody's fault.

lets start where we are,
with what we have,
& do what we can,
to get to where we want to be. 

Life doesn't start tomorrow.
its here today,
it begins at the end of your comfort zone.
(& that comfort zone is your mind) 

here goes.

my list of substantial life goals.

(Hey, I'm still learning too)


Connect.

Starting from within, 
I learnt that the greatest part of being a better you, 
its to know yourself better.
Yes obviously we ALL think we know ourselves so well.
We don't.

Start by talking to the people you're closest with.

Ever since I stopped putting up with mundane jobs to get by,
I woke up with more rest, and a clearer mind.
I felt better and more connected to myself than ever.

I started having more time with my family 
and slowly got to talking & spending time 
with my mother, father and boyfriend more.
I started to ask of their opinions. 
Instead of just putting up with what they say,
I listened. (well eventually)
I analysed their tone and their views of who I am.
Share, receive, learn.

It starts out tough for some, like it did for me.
We often find it so difficult to hear bad things about yourself.
So we tend to cut them off and ignore.
Like most of what people think today,
"Heck, I be who I am!" 

don't mistake stubbornness for determination.
learn the difference.

Thats why Im saying listen to those who love you.
*more about love on the later sections

Connecting with our innermost desires
takes so much discovery and courage.

its a little of going with your heart
and also taking leaps
heaps of determination
and a drop of fearlessness.

sometimes we just got to take the chance.
depending of course, how much you really want a life 
thats truly connected to who you truly are.

Don't just go on living just to stay alive. 

Make your own choices and have no regrets.
knowing your strengths and weaknesses so definitely
you can embrace it 
and work your achievements around, against and with it.

because passion takes sacrifice,
and you cant sacrifice if u don't know your strengths.

just like how a leap works,
you need to know how far u can jump, and how hard the impact would hurt u,
does it scare u?
if it does, does it matter? can u get over it?
do you believe in yourself?

Learn your strengths,
use them against your limits,
know your pieces, so you could build a better you. 

Speak.

To say better things we must first listen to ourselves.
Thinking before we speak.
Speaking slower and more carefully.

Yeah, some of us would think,
why do I have to watch my tongue so much?

Well no one knows how much words could hurt,
until someone hurts you with their words.

What I'm saying is,
learning to be a pleasant person 
also comes with a response.

"Have more than you show, speak less than you know"

this meant revealing less about yourselves.
keep the details out.
no one needs to know every weakness and strengths you have.
no, not even the closest sometimes.

sometimes its so tough to hold out tongues back
when we have so much to prove.
but what does speech do to prove anything?

"speak only if it improves upon the silence"

is there anything that you have to fix?
does it affect you if it doesn't?

ask yourself the next time u want to argue. 
is this necessary? 
would aggression make this better?

agree to disagree.

everytime you find yourself stuck in a situation of choices,
make a light choice,
in other means,
use a general response about your views,
and then make sure to mention that to each their own, 
"of course we all have our own opinions and preferences" 
"maybe theres a way to compromise"

sometimes people fail to see in our perspective,
so its our privilege to have or learn the ability to see it in theirs.
whether it is to see that they do not see it, 
or to see what they see. 

 Keep apologies simple.
Explain if u need, but don't give excuses.

sometimes just as simple as it is. 
Admitting we are wrong.

Observe.

As I grew,
I learnt more and more to appreciate the silence inside.

I think sometimes its okay to stop the output
and just appreciate the input.

sometimes its nice to go around quiet,
and just listen, observe and learn.
thinking helps me connect.
It lets me place my thoughts, rearrange them, edit them.

it forms personality. 
Observing the world move, 
and then moving on to observing peoples actions, words and behaviour...
understanding them,
lets us understand ourselves better.

every time I come across questionable unpleasant behaviours,
I ask myself,
Why do I not like this?
Why does someone say/do such things?
what are they trying to achieve?
do I apprehend such behaviour?

Train your mind to see a good in every situation.

Put it all in a list,
embed the great lessons around you in yourself.
they're great ways to learn indirectly.
take others' mistakes and stories
and make sure that you don't commit the same.

at the same time,
get inspired.
learn and learn. 
surround yourself in positive activities
spaces, art and people. 

get addicted to good vibes.
learning to stand up and keep chasing your goals
we can all dream for only that long.
but it takes a true fighter to stand up and 
start crawling, walking, jogging, running to our greater  realities. 


Release.

The next step to moving forward?
Being able to let go.

In what sense?
every sense.

People, things, memories, lifestyle.
We all say that people don't change.
well yes, the basics of a person will always remain,
such as your personality,

but we do change, 
experience changes us,
understanding and learning changes us.
small but significant changes.

when we find our way, 
we find all the ways that isn't. 

Learning to drift apart from things that do not encourage your growth is a process.
I guess it becomes natural as soon as you begin working on yourself.

Cleaning up is really a part of growth.
Decluttering so that you gain productivity.
Arranging and organising your life so that everything is in order
and slowly learning to just stop dwelling over petty matters.

Clean up your own mess;
be responsible for yourself 

so that others do not have to do it for you.

I'm still learning. 
you should too! 

Choice.

Its okay to refuse to take advice from people who don't even have their own shit together

after learning what you want in life
its important that we work towards that directions

accepting the fact that we have only this much attention and time to spare
why not spend it surrounding ourselves with people who inspire us to become better?

We need to learn that not all words are wisdom.
That constructive criticism are hard to come by
and that most people only speak with selfish thoughts.

and even more doesn't give thoughts to their words, 
instead, merely actively trying to convert others to their views.

so hear people out, but listen selectively
learn from the bad ones, 
keep the good ones as gold.

Acquire.

Hardwork, Determination, 
the drive for success.

these are, like, magic elements.
they make us better humans

good things come to those who work for it.

Life is rough
and tough times feels longer than the good
and thats an inevitable fact

the trick here is really to just know that fact in mind
so when you fall 
when you cry
you'd know to tell yourself
its okay, 
we'll stand up after this. 

gain the strength to hold yourself up.

and thats how we take life one step at a time.
with a goal in our hearts
and a clear mind of our thoughts.

Sheer determination,
Positive thoughts,
a Brave Heart, 
a Kind soul,
perseverance and
a will to fight. 


Goodluck!






Tuesday, 15 September 2015

On Redang Shores.

Talk bout starting a post with the most unglamorous shot of myself.

What beauty?
I have none.


I have this addiction to sand and saltwater.
Seriously.
Everytime I was given a choice to choose a vacation spot
It'll always come to me shouting "ISLAND PLEASE!"

psst. Part of the reason why I work so hard on getting a beach ready bod.
(yet still failing)
I have to always be bikini ready!
I live in a summer country.
what luck!


First time on Malindo Airlines.
Whoa mini planes be creepy as F.!

No photos at Subang Airport.
The place is like uber MEH.
MEH ALL THE WAY!!! 


It was a really long journey, for a very short flight.

We got picked up by a van when we reached the airport,
and off to the jetty.

It was horrible that the flight got delayed cos we justttt missed the ferry.
thats not the worst part.
The worst part was we had to wait at the jetty for 1.5 hours for the next one!


Oh wow. great. 
Starved, tired and too ugly for pictures
It couldnt get worse...

but it's okay, I told myself. 
its okay, we'll be on the island soon.
cross my fingers it better be worth it! 


Balancing act.
yes we were bored to the extent of willing to put our friend's life in danger
just for a little humor.

HAHAHAHA no, sorry Ben, we love u.


The ferry was exceptionally cold inside. 
It was like a hibernation zone.
boyfriend passed out immediately.
& I, couldn't sleep.


Upper deck here we go!!!
Sunburn here I come!!!

It was scorching hot.
But the waters were crystal clear,
I even saw fishes jumping out as we passed by.



Hello Chris, Hello Ben.

I was actually trying to take a selfie,
but heck it felt so awkward with the guys around.
So coverline, just take one together.

I ended up looking crappy.
wtv. pft.


OH!! IS THAT REDANG??
ARE WE THERE YET?

wait, 
google maps.


It was epic that 3 phone were whipped out, 
one on C, one on D, and me on M.

C was in minecraft grids. 
D was still at the airport. 
and Here I am!! WIN.

So we're not there yet. 
*silence



was chilling on the deck when we saw this bag.

& I just randomly came up with a pickup line

"Guys guys, look, you could go up to a girl and be like..."

"Girl you fine as corn meal~~~" 


Just when we thought we were there.
NOPE.
Ferry no.2 

*grab our bags and clumsily tumble on board.




I didnt dare to go onto the bridge.
pfft. :( 


Sea bubbles! 


Pano Island!


Talk about stairway to heaven! 
I wanted to hop down, but my luggage would make me sink. 

I didnt like the landing. seriously.
next time, bring a backpack. 


The human trafficking ferry.
hahaha just kidding.

does look like it. 
import.


Wooden bridge to our resort.


look at my happy face.
I had no idea how many times I'd be walking on this long-ass winding uneven wooden bridge.


Lunch is served!

Check in time was 2pm so we had lunch first.
Our resort wasn't all that 5 star or whatever.
but it had 4 buffet meals a day,
freeflow ice cold water & bread 24/7 
and every meal comes with at least 4 dishes and a soup.

I was thankful beyond words.
The food was great too.


Most of all, who needs a 5 star room when you came for this?!! 


Sand as fine as powder.
It was unbelievable. 



Drinks & bonding games at the resort.
all we had to do was buy some ice and coke. :)

I love the service here. 
Theres even music and lights, well up to 10 or 11PM at least.


Headed down to the beach to chill with more beer & live music.

Apparently they have beach parties on weekends...
*hoping hard



Sand in my drink bottle.

Mind me, its just my idea of priceless memories.
I wanna go to many many beaches.
I wana has many many sand bottles.

:)



***************



Noobest jump ever.
I need more bravery. +1 pls


I was so nervous about going in without my life jacket.
Everyone else made it look so fun
I had to try

and wow, who am I kidding,
its a whole new kind of swimming without the tugging of that life jacket,
well also a different kind of difficulty not having something to rest the weight on.

Sea water is mainly much easier to float in compared to swimming pools
so if you can swim normally, this should be easy peasy.

MUST TRY! 



I was thrilled with the swim, and
my face was marked with my snorkels. 
now thats, beauty. hahahah 


A sexier rendition of snorkel prints by Ben. 


Gorgeous blue sea we swam in


Japanese fugitive on the run from turtles. mind him. 







What really fascinated me most was the cleanliness of the waters here.
I expected murkiness because theres just so much tourists around
but no.
the waters were clear and fishes swim nearly all the way even up to the shores.

Snorkelling is really really fun around here.
I haven't learnt how to short dive with my snorkels on yet so Im stuck at the surface of the water.

Learnt alot about myself too
The fact that Im actually quite freaked out by fishes.
and that I do not like corals.

I also do not dare to touch starfishes,
or sea cucumbers.




floating with lifejacket on is really fun though.
I wish I could just lay there and chill.

But dont do that please.
waves would push u miles away in a few moments.

freaky.




***********


Back at the cafeteria for tea.
Let me introduce you the "hot - toast - boys" . 


Kaya toast? 


Barbeque lamb for dinner tonight!!! they have barbeques every alternate days. 


Chillin and soaking up the vacay.
I've never been to a fitter holiday than this. <3
Thanks guys. for bringing me along.
Thankyou boyfie. 


& here comes the star.
The fearless squirrel.


Like a boss


Fed him some bread. 
this guy probably has a huge stash judging from the amount that people feeds him.


Heading off to the beach again at late noon for some fun before the sun sets.

Volleyball with a football? WHY NOT!
our arms are for destroying. (sarcasm)
Right Ben?? 



No you're doing it wrong, we're supposed to use our arms.

=_=


One shot of the beach, before it gets overcrowded.


Jumpshots! obligatory.


1st try. Done.

NOT FAIR.
howcome I cant get a good jump shot like even after 100000 tries.? 


Figure 8?
Nah, more like figure me out. 


Fail, but better than nothing.
I was exhausted. 


Double decker planks! :D YEH! 


Wait wait, Im strong too! :D 

*flex


Triple decker.
Pretty awkward though. 



Aftermath. 


Self timered my DSLR for a group photo.

Cant physically hear the timer.
So we were sorta mentally counting down when to jump.

Woah. seriously. So much talent.


Like what.
What happened? 


I thought I jumped late. Turns out I already landed.

Oh gad I look horrid. 


Camera was misplaced for this one. But Hey! Cant see my awful expression here. 



Waves! oh those waves are like mesmerizing. 


SLR selfie attempt.

Too much wind, Too heavy.

nope. 
Pass


Back with my phone for some selfies in the sea.
:)

Much better.


I know, theres like so many people around, why not ask them to take one for us?

COS IM AWKWARD LIKE THAT OKAY.
I FEEL BAD.
IM REALLY MUSHY and its NOT APPROPRIATE. 


Wanted a kissing photo at the beach,
The sun sets at the other side, what a bummer.
So here, a selfie one. Thats all I can settle for.

Turned out pretty awesome anyways.
cos we are.




Nightfall was beautiful. 
Being away from the city really excites me.
or maybe, just being near salty water and sandy grounds. 


While the company was having fun downing alcohol.
I found myself wandering instead.
Looked up into the sky to find it covered in stars.

Funny though, no one appreciated it as much as I did.
I wanted to be there for the rest of my life,
just looking up to the shimmery darkness.



and in reality, this was going on. 

********








What he comes up with when I asked him to be "effortless?" 



Water. waaaaterrrrr
clear splashy splashy.


fatass



Last dinner before leaving tomorrow.

Have I mentioned that they really really serve good filling food??



Bla bla bla.
I wanna go explore the beach please.


Some talented dude made this, in the dark.
Or maybe he started before sunset. 


Then we decided we could make our own.
WHY NOT
im a sculptor. 

*****

& then its bye Redang.

The boat ride is helluva tiring.